Nonny really does think Canadians are special. He appreciates how special people make up worlds to live in; it brings a sense of security and pride – albeit false security and misplaced pride. Nonny will have to teach you special people the truth, for only the truth brings true security and real pride. But you must allow Nonny time to discuss these myths in detail later. For now, though …
Canadian Myths:
1. Canadians burned down the White House during the War of 1812.
2. Canadians invented the light bulb, not the Americans.
3. Canadians invented Superman.*
4. Everybody likes Canadians.
5. Lots of American tourists wear Canadian flags on their backpacks to get treated better overseas.
6. Canadians invented baseball.
7. Canadians are nicer (than Americans).
8. Most Americans think Canadians live in igloos.
9. Canada's defining national values are unique – and radically different from
10. Canadians have a unique and definable national character.
* Like some myths, this is a myth containing a grain of truth. A Canadian did invent the Superman character, but where was he and where did he live when he invented it? The land of super heroes, that’s where. "Truth, justice, and the American way," indeed.
25 comments:
Hey Noony, I don't really care that it was the British Army and not Canadians that burned the Shite House. The important thing is that it happened. Hopefully someday it will happen again.
I lived in Connecticut for a year; the Canadians living in igloos was not very far off the mark. Fuck knows what your average Mississippian believes.
TWAT.
Thanks for the comment, Lord Omar. If you didn't take yourself so seriously you would realize it when someone is joking about Canada and its igloos.
P.S.: Glad you're out of Connecticut. Don't come back.
P.P.S.: Your country IS damn cold. Don't know how you can stand it.
P.P.P.S.: Part of your problem is that you really DO wish someone would burn down the White House. What's the matter, all those WTC buildings and the Pentagon not enough for you?
Hey nonny, I have a nice cock here for you to suck on.
You know you want to.
I'm underwhelmed, Nonny. It doesn't look like your blog will hold much entertainment value for me.
Monster Girl,
This blog is not meant for you.
So sorry, but thanks for stopping by.
Anonymous,
Now YOU are a true Canadian.
Good job.
But you all have to admit. I do know Canadians. A truly insecure lot. Look at anonymous: he's so insecure about his penis that he'll only have another man go down on him.
Looza!
he's so insecure about his penis that he'll only have another man go down on him.
You're right MG, not much entertainment and he can't even do snappy comebacks.
nonuts: I never said I'd want another man to go down on me. I just pointed out that you want to. And you didn't say you're not interested. As a right wing nut, your latent homosexuality is flamingly obvious.
Anonymous,
You said, "Hey nonny, I have a nice cock here for you to suck on."
That was clearly an invitation you extended to me. Stop trying to weasel out of it. You appear to be the one with homosexual "issues." Or is this just a standard Canadian greeting?
Thanks for stopping by ... looza.
Monstergirl,
I visited your site. I hereby take back everything bad I may have said about you. (Did I say anything bad or was that just on your part?)
Christ, you do have a blog.
Pretty shitty one, though. Maybe you should go back to lynching blacks, or something.
Gee, Ti-Guy, fancy meeting you here. This blog was MEANT for you. Why, it has YOU in mind. Now if your deluded friend Scotian, who actually believes some ancestor of his from Nova Scotia helped burn down the White House would only stop by ....
If you didn't take yourself so seriously you would realize it when someone is joking about Canada and its igloos.
Let's turn this into a blog where Canadians can share their anecdoctes about how misinformed Americans are about the world generally, but more shockingly, about Canada. Why not? Nonny's not doing anything useful or even entertaining with it.
I'll start...*ahem*...a very nice woman from Ipswich, Mass. I met in London remarked that it was easy for me to drive around Britain because we drive on the left in Canada.
Now, it wasn't the mistake itself that I thought was remarkable...no one can know everything...it was just the certainty in the assertion that I found disturbing, especially coming from someone with an advanced degree.
Oh, well...What can you do? And no one's blameless. I quite often assume very specific things about places I know nothing about.
Heh...No I don't.
Hmm,
Thanks for your your thoughts, Ti-Guy, but I don't think you'll succeed in changing the theme of this most awesome blog. That I control.
As to that woman in Massachusetts, ho hum, I've heard versions of that story so many times that it's taken on a life of its own and I now sincerely doubt it veracity. Maybe I'll amend my list of Ten Canadian Mythy Myths to add this one.
Nevertheless, perhaps I'll have a new post on stupid Canadians. That is certainly the stereotype we have here: Nice but kinda thick. Eh, hoser?
Ciao.
Ti-Guy,
And how about stories of Canadian cheapness. I've spoken to many a waitress and heard many a sad tale of what lousy tippers you cheapskates are. Boy! Another post!
It's true, we are cheap tippers. We do that so American servers have something to whine about.
Nonny, everything we do is really only to piss you guys off. And, gosh, it's working like a charm. Hey, it's either that or burn down the White House...again.
Anyway...more anecdotes. I was in Chicago one time and I mentioned to a local that I was from Toronto. He said..."Where's that?"
Heh.
Ooh, you are sooo aggravating, Ti-Guy. You have succeeded is upsetting me with your goading!
The Toronto question IS hilarious. It just goes to show you how important Canada is to the world. Yes indeedy-doo everybody knows and loves Canada, land of the peacekeepers. "What's Toronto?" Ha! That IS funny, only not in the way you think. I'll try it out next time I see another plaid-clad retad with a Maple-leaf flag stitched on his luggage.
Me: "Where you from?"
Retad: "Vancouver."
Me: "Gesundheit."
If only such encounters were anywhere near that amusing. Guaranteed the Vancouverite would laugh if you did that, Nonny.
...that is if he or she understood you, what with that accent...
Anyway, another anecdote....oh, hell...I should just link to the collected sayings of George W. "You have blacks in Brazil too?" Bush and live it at that. Oh wait, no one cares about Brazil...
Maybe the Vancouverite will laugh. Or maybe he will get that smirk on his face that says, "Oh! Now I've got a 'stoopid American' story of my own to tell!" -- like the look I got when I asked (with a straight face) the Canadian tourist how they electrify their igloos. He even corrected my term "Eskimo." "We call them 'Inuit' and not everybody in Canada is one, you know," he said.
"Really? But do you still live in an igloo?"
"The Inuit call them 'igdlu,'" said the retad most unhelpfully.
I sincerely doubt the veracity of that story...
Actually, I don't. I'm pretty sure you would talk to strangers like that. You're a very common person, Nonny.
Nonny (to a German tourist): So did your grandfather push Jews into ovens personally? Ha ha!...What's the matter, Kraut? Can't you take a joke?
Nonny (to British tourist): So, are those your real teeth, or are you dressed up for Hallowe'en? Ha ha!...What's the matter, Limey...Can't you take a joke?
Nonny (to French tourist): You stink! Ha ha...What's the matter, Frog...Can't you take a joke?
...etc.
I'm a "common person," Ti-Guy? Who the heck are you, Lady Prissy Snottington? "Common"! Aren't you insulting the common man?
"I sincerely doubt the veracity of that story."
Really? Which part?
That's the problem, you see. If an American asks you if you live in an igloo, you (1) shouldn't assume is isn't joking and (2) not be an idiot and equate it to asking a German whether his Grandpa gassed some Jews.
Ti-Guy, you have just demonstrated two of the Canadian national characteristics that I have mentioned more than once:
A predisposition not to see humor when an American asks you a seemingly stupid question (such as whether Canadians live in igloos).
A oversensitivity in your interactions with Americans (e.g., taking the igloo question as an national insult).
Obviously, none of that anecdote about the igloo and the tourist was true; however, I do remember in college teasing a Canadian friend about his living in an igloo. Surprisingly, it turned out not to be true, as I found out when I visited his lean-to outside Toronto (which I believe is in southern Italy).
A predisposition not to see humor when an American asks you a seemingly stupid question...
That's never happened to me. They usually don't ask questions...they assert something ridiculous...and therein lies the problem, Nonny: a pre-disposition to having a very fixed idea about things one knows nothing about.
I'd be less sensitive to all of this had the World not witnessed in the last few years this baffling degree of ignorance extending up to the highest levels of the American political and media elite.
...shocking.
Last anecdote: A database engineer from Florida I contracted (Master's degree, twice divorced, on anti-depressants...information he freely shared with me) treated me to a longish dissertation on a personal theory of his: that the World really was a living organism and that mankind could be thought of as a virus. He was shocked when I told him that the Gaia hypothesis had been formulated back in the 60's.
I still dine out on that story.
That's a shock. Someone concocts a ridiculous theory of man and the planet and it happens to comport with an equally hare-brained (and for that reason, fairly obscure) theory from the 1960's and you think the guy's a typical American idiot because he doesn’t know about this Gaia chick. Geez, Ti-Guy, 90% of Canadians believe just the same crapola … and neither you nor they realize that it is warmed over Gaia worship from the 1960’s. Now you call this Warmed Over Crapola “global warming” -- er, I mean "climate change." But regardless of what you call it, WOC is the same Gaia hypothesis blather.
It sure is an idiot's theory though. I'll grant you that. How does it feel to be a member of the club? I hope it has good benefits. If you don't know, just ask the guy from Florida.
Someone concocts a ridiculous theory of man and the planet...
Not just any old someone. An American with a Masters degree. Who, apparently, doesn't read.
Just like your Preznit!
Americans really are...special.
I guess, by that comment, that you do read, Ti-Guy. Too bad nothing stuck and you failed to realize that anthropogenic global warming is nothing more than that tired old Gaia hypothesis with an ersatz scientific twist. Reminds be of alchemy or witch-doctoring.
Then again, what else can I expect from the likes of you?
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